I am one of the most law abiding citizens in this great country and to see me stray to the dark side would be the worst thing to happen. Well have I got a secret for you. I enjoy using my lane improperly and not paying my fine to the fair city of Wentzville, O’Fallon, or the St. Charles county sheriffs department.
Since I have not yet struck gold on the internet like a lot of people have, I still have to work the regular nine-to-five job. Even with working, selling my body, and so on I still never came up with enough money to pay of my traffic violations. I honestly would have paid them off if for no other reason then to get my girlfriend off my back about the situation. So my intentions may have been off a little but my heart was in the right places. Right?
Anyways back to the police departments being total Nazis. It’s a Tuesday evening, I am at work making a prime rib Caesar salad for a gay couple; when all of a sudden my boss tells me that there is an officer on the opposite side of the bar waiting to detain me. Well as you can imagine I called my boss a liar and proceeded to finish my current task. My boss was not joking as you can see. So I walk over to the other side of the bar to check it out and possible sneak out unseen. The officer must have already seen me because I didn’t even go over to him and he walked up to me and said we got places to go sir.
My brain is not working very well at this point so I begin to call people that really can’t or won’t help me. You know…. Just to let people know where I will be residing for the next few days. As soon as I finished with the phone calls the officer escorted me out to his “most unmarked marked car”. Officer Buchanan they says he has to put my in hand cuffs. Well little did I know this man had the hots for me because my eyes got as wide as the sun when he began to frisk me. Officer Buchanan spent way to much time “frisking” my genitals; I thought I had another penis or something because his fingers were down there for so long. After that I get into the “most unmarked marked car” we had a very nice conversation about my predicament.
The welcome that I received at the O’Fallon police department puts most surprise birthday parties to shame. They had two officers waiting to escort me to my fabulous cell, witch had room to comfortable fit two inmates. I, on the other hand, being the celebrity that I am got the entire cell to myself. Frosted windows, white painted cinder block walls, bunk beds, a sink-toilet combo and two bed rolls…two! I really got the all-star treatment.
It was here that I learned my bond was a combined eleven-hundred dollars. So I said “shit I ain’t got that kinda scratch” It was then when I expressed my right to use there handy twenty hour catch and release policy. The amount of sleep I got could kill a lesser man. The official hour count my never be known, but it was probably around seventeen hours. Time passes, I wake up when they unlock my cell door. It sounds like a gunshot when the lock gets tripped. They tell me that my twenty hours is up… but a St. Charles County Sheriff is waiting to take me to county jail. SHIT!!
I will be give this story in three parts so check back often for updates.
