This sucks!
Thursday, May 19th, 2005 
I don’t really think that I have made any progress since my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. The feelings that I had for her are for the most part still there. I honestly think that I was in love with her. Why is breaking up with someone so hard to do? If you were to ask her, I am pretty sure that she will tell you how simple it was. Should you ask me, I would probably give you a puzzled blank stare. I mean really what’s the point of getting attached to another person, when at anytime they feel that you are useless just throw you out like week old eggnog. There was no doubt ever in her mind that I was useless to her now. Two years, now reduced to an unpleasant moment each time we see each other. This is one time that I wish that my stubborn nature would kinda take a walk. To keep my mind off of her I have to keep myself constantly busy. This totally blows.
All the signs were there way before she gave me the ax. On her first Mother’s day I spent four hundred thirty dollars on a one of a kind necklace. It was a white gold box chain with the birth stone of our son in a white gold setting. To her credit she wore it every day until she lost it. When I got upset about she then in turn screamed at me and blamed me for it because I knew that she had a history of losing jewelry. So I think its fair to say that since I was and am broke, that gift was very important and I cared enough about her to give it to her. On the accompanying Father’s day, my mother wanted to take me out to lunch to celebrate my first Father’s day. Is that weird? The answer is no, except to one person. Even though I made it clear to my mother that I had to be available for the evening because Emily had something planned, Emily turned it into some weird “your mom is a psycho” deal because she took me out to lunch. She then took back the gift that she got me and even tore up the card. She tried to make me apologize for allowing my mother to take me out to lunch. Why was she so insensitive on my first Father’s day?
It was January 1st 2005, everyone at the party was giving the ones closest to them a kiss, except for me. Why do you ask, well I was forced to watch from across the room, my girlfriend making out with another man. This was not your standard new years kiss; it was making out. What was I suppose to do? Given that she had admitted earlier in our relationship that I was the first person that she hadn’t cheated on, I was kinda waiting for this. I eventually cornered this guy and was getting ready to pound the shit out of him when who starts pulling me away, yep you guessed it, Emily. She said that I was over reacting and that he didn’t know she had a boyfriend. What does it matter if he knows, she knew! Still pissed I push her away and chase away my sorrow with some 151. The next thing you know one of her friends comes up to me and starts telling me that I was wrong and what I know I saw didn’t happen. Then another comes up and another, and another, there was no protection from this fraudulent guilt trip. At the end of the night I couldn’t go to the bathroom without getting a million cold eyes wishing me dead. Where is my fault in this?
There are multiple other examples most are much to drawn out and personal. Am I over analyzing this whole break up? This whole thing still hasn’t settled with me and it keeps me up all hours of the night. Maybe I should take up knitting or something that keeps me busy. It sucks being the one that thinks the relationship will last and when you least expect it have it all taken away. Sorry, but I had to get it off my chest.
