Author Archives: Wheeler

About Wheeler

I am a multi car train wreck of half assed dreams. Sure I like the idea of success, but getting there is like super hard and stuff. I probably drink too much and I am a horrible drunk dialer. My mother still does my laundry and comes over to my house to cook me food. When I play video games on XBOX Live I tend to use awful language with young children. My football addiction has been compared to that of a heroin user. I don’t like using condoms. My apartment is super cold by choice. I love to take super hot and excessively long showers. I don’t recycle; in fact I go out of my way to litter. I hate shaving and combing my hair. I wear basketball shorts and hoodies almost all the time. I don’t like Christmas or any other holiday that doesn’t permit excessive drinking. I didn’t vote for Barak Obama. I have been arrested 12 times in 9 different municipalities, all for unpaid traffic tickets. I have been in a knife fight and lost. Golf is something I do poorly. I spell like a blind kid. I stole G.I. Joes from a blind kid when I lived in Baltimore. I am bad with money. You wouldn’t confuse me with Jerry Seinfeld because I am not Jewish or funny. I burn every bridge I can for the sake of making things harder for me when I need something from that person. Anyone that knows me for any period of time finds me disagreeable. The only things I do well are complain and consume.