Lately I have begun to compare my life to characters in movies. What I have found is that I am a mixture of a few characters. I have too diverse of a personality to be limited to one character.
Let me list the characteristics I considered-
1. My luck. No matter what situation, the complete worst thing that can happen does.
2. My stupidity. I always say or do the dumbest things at the most inopportune times.
3. My way with the ladies. What more can be said, I suck.
First let’s address my luck. There have been many unfortunate souls in movies, but only one comes to mind when I think about myself. Jeffery Lebowski, from The Big Lebowski. In this movie Jeffery has his rug urinated on, his car stolen, his car blown up, and finally his bowling partner dies. My rug has been urinated on and car has been both blown up and stolen. I have no bowling partner, but I have been bowling with a friend.
Second, my stupidity, there has never been a character closer to my heart or closer to who I am then, Lloyd Christmas. If you don’t know who I am talking about then you my friend are an idiot. Anyways, the movie is Dumb and Dumber. In this movie Lloyd throws a salt shaker at people that can kick his ass, sells his roommates dead bird to a blind kid, and thinks that the brand of briefcase he is returning is the name of the person he is returning it to. Well I have done strikingly similar things. When I was younger, I sold a bike back to the person I stole it from and got busted. There have been a few times when I got my ass kicked because of my careless antics. The only thing that I found that I tried to return was a twenty and I returned that to my gas tank.
Moving on to my final comparison. I seem to be wearing lady repellant. If you have seen Chasing Amy, you already know who I am talking about. Holden McNeil. The ace that got scared he thinks he doesn’t have what his girlfriend wants. So what does he do? He breaks up with her making as many insults as possible along the way. Realizing or thinking he realizes how to correct the problem, screws up a life long friendship trying to get back his ex-girlfriend; by trying to get the both of them into a threesome. Well I have done everything here accept the whole threesome thing. I totally screw things up because I know no other way as of right now. I’d say tell me that I suck at relationships, but I think the line will be to long for you.
So I guess my new name should be Holden Christmas Lebowski. I am sure that some of you will think I am an idiot for all of my short comings. You may be right.
