The lovely sport of Football and its jerks.


Joey Porter may be my second favorite linebacker in NFL history, only behind Bill Romanowski, but that doesnt mean he isnt a jerk. For all of you NFL fans out there you already know the JP was known for his pre-game displays of thug style intimidation tactics and for the rest of you out there basically JP was the asshole on the playground that would punch you in the face if you touched his monkey bars during recess. The reason I bring this up is because a punter was given an interview on Deadspin.com and wasnt very friendly towards JP.

Enter Joey Porter. Apparently he had this thing where he would claim the entire half of the field the Steelers were warming up on and harass anyone on the opposing team that came across the 50 (the NFL rules are that each team gets to the 45-yard line to warm up with the intervening 10 yards as a buffer zone, in reality the punters and kickers still use this space because we simply don’t have enough room to warm up otherwise and no one cares). So I’m finishing up my warmups, hitting plus 50s from their 45, and he comes wandering over and starts barking “I need my 50, I need my 50.” At this point their team is stretching on the 30-yard line, so I give him my best “What the fuck kind of mouth breather are you?” look and continue warming up. He then posts up right behind me, pretends like he’s stretching, and starts bumping me as I’m punting.

I had no idea that punters where real people let alone had feelings. Chris Klwue gains some respect for this cause you know that he has to go into hiding because JP is now gonna start hunting him down.

About Wheeler

I am a multi car train wreck of half assed dreams. Sure I like the idea of success, but getting there is like super hard and stuff. I probably drink too much and I am a horrible drunk dialer. My mother still does my laundry and comes over to my house to cook me food. When I play video games on XBOX Live I tend to use awful language with young children. My football addiction has been compared to that of a heroin user. I don’t like using condoms. My apartment is super cold by choice. I love to take super hot and excessively long showers. I don’t recycle; in fact I go out of my way to litter. I hate shaving and combing my hair. I wear basketball shorts and hoodies almost all the time. I don’t like Christmas or any other holiday that doesn’t permit excessive drinking. I didn’t vote for Barak Obama. I have been arrested 12 times in 9 different municipalities, all for unpaid traffic tickets. I have been in a knife fight and lost. Golf is something I do poorly. I spell like a blind kid. I stole G.I. Joes from a blind kid when I lived in Baltimore. I am bad with money. You wouldn’t confuse me with Jerry Seinfeld because I am not Jewish or funny. I burn every bridge I can for the sake of making things harder for me when I need something from that person. Anyone that knows me for any period of time finds me disagreeable. The only things I do well are complain and consume.
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